Merriam-Webster defines an overachiever as “one who achieves success over and above the standard or expected level especially at an early age.” My name is Linda. I am an overachiever. I beat myself up when I do not achieve to some unrealistic standard. I achieve more than most people do. I am unsure why I am an overachiever but it has history from my childhood. I found myself lately scheduling fun. Not living in the moment. Surviving and not thriving. All in the pursuit of success to feed my fear of failure. Anyone that looks at my life looks at a person who has a lot of fun while working hard. I was having fun and then checking fun off a checklist. That activity was fun. Fun was checked off the list. That activity was fun. Fun was checked off the list and so on. While I was having fun, I was beating myself up for not doing the 5 things on my task list for the day and worrying about the 5 meetings the next day. I was making myself feel guilty about fun. I wanted to work on overcoming guilt so I came up with the following methods:
1. Recognize Guilt (Unhealthy or Normal)
Some guilt is okay, even healthy. For instance, if you indulged in holiday candy and ate until you are sick you should feel guilty about that. You consumed 5 desserts and could hardly walk out of a restaurant. You should feel guilty for both these scenarios. But what if you worked an 80-hour work week and didn’t make it to your family function. Again. What if you refuse to delegate that task because the person you wanted to delegate to isn’t going to complete it to your standard? I feel this is appropriate guilt and common for an overachiever. Normal guilt arises when you can change your behavior. It is the little accountabilibuddy in your life. Are you working out? Are you eating right? Are you having fun? I cannot be everywhere all of the time. I do like to mentor and help entrepreneurs. I do like to write for people. I dread the person who says let’s meet up for lunch or coffee. I immediately feel my heart rate rise as I try to imagine where I am going to fit them in my already full calendar. I feel guilty for not being able to help them. My guilt in this situation is unhealthy because it doesn’t serve any real purpose. No mistake happened here. Nobody died. I just could not find time to help this person. Unhealthy guilt is blown out of proportion in the overachiever and can put a spin on the day that could ultimately contribute to depression or low self-esteem.
2.Reality Check
Should you be feeling guilty? So for an overachiever, you can take a mean of the people you hang out with. Are you feeling guilty about not getting that 80th hour of work in this week? Did the 5 friends you respect and hang out with work 80 hours? I am sure they did not. Stop putting the guilt on yourself with unrealistic expectations. This is guilt gone wrong and can be unhealthy. Go ahead and compare yourself to others. Reel in that overachieving tendency.
3.Beware of Guilt Trips
People you hang around with and even other overachievers can make you feel guilty. They can do this to advance their own agenda, often unintentionally. Analyze the other person’s point of view and determine if they are accounting for your needs. Be careful and always put yourself first in the situation and don’t overload your agenda.
4.Change sooner rather than later
If your guilt is normal or rational, healthy guilt, then take action to fix the problem. Stop overeating. Recognize you are working too much and change your schedule. Apologize to the person you may have offended with the hasty comment. Stop doing the things that make you feel guilty. Get rid of the heaviness and live in the moment.
Accept you did something wrong, you are only human, and move on.
An overachiever will focus and focus on the fact they could have done something more. They should have been there. Stop engaging in the self-loathing, self-blame and self-punishment because you should have acted differently, you should have worked more, you should have been the better person. Let that go and move on. The more energy that is wasted on believing you could have done more will prohibit your self-growth.
5.Learn from behaviors
Guilt can be nauseating and can eat an overachiever alive. You can feel guilty about anything that prevents you from achieving. If you have found your guilt to be unhealthy, then you can’t really learn anything. You need to change the behavior so you can get your stress level down. Grow some self-esteem and don’t let anyone feel guilty for taking your time. Put your own work and family first and if you have time then spend it with other people. Control your time and you will control your guilt about time. If you are constantly apologizing for snide and careless remarks, stop saying the remarks. Filter your mouth and wait to speak. Get rid of the guilt associated with insulting another person.
Perfection doesn’t exist in anyone
Nobody is perfect. Looking at others and holding you to an unrealistic standard when the others aren’t leading a perfect life either. Perfection cannot be achieved and striving for perfection can be a recipe for failure. Guilt is one of those negative things that take time from thriving. Like the author Andy Stanley suggests, break free from the destructive power of guilt, anger, greed, and jealousy.
So wake me up when it's all over When I'm wiser and I'm older All this time I was finding myself And I didn't know I was lost
Shake It Off – Taylor Swift
'Cause the players gonna play, play, play, play, play And the haters gonna hate, hate, hate, hate, hate Baby, I'm just gonna shake, shake, shake, shake, shake I shake it off, I shake it off
Happy – Pharrell Williams
Because I'm happy Clap along if you feel like a room without a roof Because I'm happy Clap along if you feel like happiness is the truth Because I'm happy Clap along if you know what happiness is to you Because I'm happy Clap along if you feel like that's what you wanna do
All About That Bass – Meghan Trainor
I see the magazine workin' that Photoshop We know that shit ain't real, come on now, make it stop If you got beauty, beauty, just raise 'em up 'Cause every inch of you is perfect from the bottom to the top
Unwritten - Natasha Bedingfield
Live your life with arms wide open. Today is where your book begins. The rest is still unwritten.
It’s Time – Imagine Dragons
It's time to begin, isn't it? I get a little bit bigger but then I'll admit I'm just the same as I was Now don't you understand That I'm never changing who I am
Titanium – David Guetta
I'm bulletproof, nothing to lose Fire away, fire away Ricochet, you take your aim Fire away, fire away You shoot me down but I won't fall I am titanium
Brave - Sara Bareilles
Say what you wanna say And let the words fall out Honestly I wanna see you be brave With what you want to say And let the words fall out Honestly I wanna see you be brave
Do you believe that you are what you think? Do you talk to yourself or write things to improve yourself and think more positively? We cannot rely entirely on thoughts or words but to constantly review these in the form of affirmations can create possibilities. You begin to believe the words and put them into action. We manifest our dreams and ambitions to make our words become reality. Affirmations are like exercise for our brains. According to the article Self-Affirmation Improves Problem-Solving under Stress, a study revealed that self-affirmation improved problem-solving performance in chronically stressed participants. Affirmations raise the level of feel-good hormones to relieve stress and improve problem-solving abilities. I am determined to break the pattern of negative thought. The constant self-criticism associated with an overachiever where nothing is good enough. I have come up with 31 self-affirmations for the professional to repeat as often as necessary until the negative speech becomes a positive speech and in turn, positive actions. I want to turn the words “I can’t” into “I can” and use the positive energy to my benefit. The following are daily affirmations for 31 days of a month. You can read them all at once or read one every day. The important thing is repetitiveness. You want them embedded to change your thoughts. I use Post-it notes on my mirror. 1.I have energy and am highly motivated. 2.My body is healthy, and my mind is brilliant. 3.I am superior to negative thoughts and low actions. 4.I have been given endless talents and will utilize today. 5.I forgive those who have harmed me in my past. 6.I have compassion and love for my fellow human being. 7.I am guided in my every step toward what I must do. 8.I possess the qualities needed to be extremely successful. 9.My business is growing, expanding, and thriving. 10.Creative energy surges through me and leads me to new and brilliant ideas. 11.Happiness is a choice. I am happy. 12.My ability to conquer my challenges is finite; my potential to succeed is infinite. 13.I deserve to be paid well for my time, efforts, and ideas. 14.I am courageous, confident, and I stand up for myself. 15.I set standards for myself and utilize firm boundaries. 16.My thoughts are filled with positivity and my life is prosperous. 17.Today, I abandon my old habits and take up new, more positive ones. 18.Many people look up to me and recognize my worth; I am admired. 19.I am blessed with an incredible family and wonderful friends. 20.I acknowledge my own self-worth; my confidence is soaring. 21.Everything that is happening now is happening for my ultimate good. 22.I am a powerhouse; I am indestructible. 23.Though these times are difficult, they are only a short phase of life. 24.My future is an ideal projection of what I dream of. 25.My dreams manifest into reality before my eyes. 26.I radiate beauty, charm, and grace. 27.Obstacles will be moved out of my path to experience greatness. 28.I wake up today with strength in my heart and clarity in my mind. 29.My fears of tomorrow are simply melting away. 30.I am at peace with all that has happened, is happening, and will happen. 31.My life is just beginning. Repeating affirmations can turn thoughts into action. Changing your thought process is the easiest and most efficient way to self-improvement.
