Thoughts for today...

Every time we start a relationship we think that we are only going to do this one more time because that will be a lifetime of happiness. But there are problems with that philosophy. I invest a lot of time in learning my partner; I want to learn all that I can about them by talking, touching, seeing, and sensing.

I don't know if I'm all that secure. I believe I can be, but the past has dimmed such hope. Hopelessness looms in every relationship after divorce. Things changed. What changed? Well, some problem, usually where something happened and the other person hid it away. Sometimes it is me that hides stuff away to protect the other person from the truth.

So, giving and receiving love can be difficult. If something happens that sounds or feels like something from my past the other person is doomed unless they are willing to let me be heard and understood, without jealousy or adverse reactions. In telling the problem, I am identifying my problem, my downfall and I know the other person cannot fix it. Understanding is all that I can ask for.

So how patient can you be in a relationship? Mortality is looming upon me; I look around and see that yes, I've taken a very different path from that of my family and background. I work for myself in a profession that is largely populated by men and yet I do look around and see people starting to retire, people who did the line work, secretary work, or whatever.... they did their time for a "boss", not exciting, not challenging, yet they do have some benefits for just putting in their time.

On the other hand, I've done some fantastic things; I've seen things, and experienced some things outside of their realm of experiences. But I am looking at who knows how many more years? And, will it be the same work, scratching out a living by my own wit and cunning?

So.... the philosophical response is... I don't know. I don't know how many more days there are for me. I question whether the one day of bliss is worth a lifetime of loneliness.

I do know that I'd sure like to find someone to share life with. I'm done looking for perfection, and I think I might settle for less than perfect. Who knows, the imperfect person and match could grow and mature into something much greater, due to the challenges and growth shared during the time together. Those challenges and growth could so deeply enrich and broaden the "love" as to make it well worth the effort and risk.

And, in relationships, is there such thing as an "ultimate". As noted above, I doubt it. I'm willing to bet that the "ultimate" is a creation of the two people working together, their differences, yet the synergy created by their devotion, one to the other. In that light, can there then be a "short" relationship which is the "ultimate"?

Or, to answer a totally different way, perhaps the "ultimate" is the comfortable "average" appearing relationship your neighbor or friend has. It may appear to be "average", but if it has lasted 20 years, is that a sign that, perhaps, it is actually beyond average? Maybe there truly is a deep, and enriching, relationship for those two people, such that they work together, in their lives, for their goals, which only appear to be average to the outside observer. That relationship could very well be the "ultimate" relationship for those two people -- the deep loving and caring, the simple gifts and sharing, the nuturing of each other; the loving, touching and knowing, that requires no outward flash and glam; because the flash, glamore, and intensity is inside the two people, shared in privacy between they alone.

Written in part by my friend Dave...I of course added and changed it to meet what I think.